I AM A MOTHER

I was going to head off to bed but my mind keeps racing back to this blog saying....write down what you're thinking. Maybe it's because of some TV that I watched here tonight with Laura, but I'm feeling some major motherhood thoughts.

Okay....I'm not sure where I'm going with this but here come the floodgates. I will start by saying how much I miss my mother. I really wish that she had been around to see me become a mother-in-law and then a grandmother. I would have lots of questions for her. Like when do you ever stop worrying about your children ? When do you let go and realize that they are adults? When do they let go...or do they?  How much worry did I give to you Mom ?

Right now I'm in Calgary. I came out here to be with Laura 
( my baby) as she gives birth to her first child. I've been with each of my other children as they started the motherhood/fatherhood road. They have each welcomed me to be a part of this miraculous event. For the first three it was basically an event that occurred when labor started.....each unique and very special in their own way. Laura's too is unique. I'm not sure if I was invited, or it was assumed that I'd come but here I am. I came on the sixteenth ( because I didn't want to risk missing this event) No fear, dear Laura has been put in a holding pattern awaiting her precious delivery. I'm very glad that I could be here, and I'm fine waiting. Sometimes I feel a bit in the way so I go for nice walks....but I know that Laura is glad that I came. ( she keeps assuring me over Menchies frozen yogurt)

This is a first time that I'm actually living in the same house as the expectant parent ( well I did have Keah with us briefly before the twins surprise arrival). Now here is the Mom feelings  in me.....this is my baby...very pregnant, very prepared, very knowledgeable, and very adult. WOW...the whole experience is kind of overwhelming for me. Soon she too will be a mother and her life will never be the same. She will have a child to nurture, to protect, to teach, to smile with, to cry with, to LOVE, and oh so much more.

I am so happy to be a mother. It is both the happiest and hardest job ever. It never ends. It brings me both joy and tears. It overwhelms me. It is a privilege, an honor to be given children. Such a deep responsibility. I have often felt so inadequate as a mother....I still do after 37 years. ( and my children will too) I have not always done the right things in raising my children, but I did always try to improve. I often wondered those same questions that I'd ask my mother.

Thank you sweet children for letting me be your mother. At this stage in my motherhood I do try to let you be the adults that you have become. I try not to interfere. I try to be there as much as you need me....but sometimes I'm not helping you by being there too much. Please forgive me if I've ever let you down ( and I know that I have) 

I could ramble on lots tonight...but when it all comes in my mind I just feel deeply thankful for my life, my family, and the knowledge that is mine as to why family is so important. I love my family....the one that I was born into, and the one that I was able to help create. I'm also grateful for the next generation that comes with grandchildren...the icing on the cake so they say....or the toppings on my Menchie treats !!

Thank you each for allowing me experience your journeys into parenthood. Good luck  and God bless each of your families. Much love...Mom

Hurry Up Little one...we are so excited to meet you!!!